Friday

It had to happen, how long can a  balloon stay in the air before it pops or just goes too high and out of sight?

The morning was warm and sunny and slippery. The streets and walkways were clear ice. Ian wiped out at the bottom of the drive and we all held onto each other like a tiny train to the bus stop. Walking was not in the cards today. I felt like an old lady, all I could think of was what if I fall, my neck, my shoulder, my back!

I skated all the way to my appointment to view yet another house after dropping of Zelda at school. It was the most beautiful home I had seen thus far. Larger than we need, more money than we can afford, and probably too much for me to clean. This house made me feel uncomfortable, a bit sad, and ok, yes, depressed, there, I have said it, the "D" word.

I was depressed for the first time since I had arrived in Durham. I wanted a job. I wanted to feel like I am contributing financially, I wanted to feel valued outside the home. I wanted that house. At least at that moment.

In retrospect, I don't really want that house. It is too big. I already feel valued by family and friends. I don't want to have to run around trying to coordinate child care, family, home and work, not yet. So what is the point I am making? I needed to feel "D" in order to realize that what I have, can afford and already do are perfect for me for this time in my life.

During the evening I went to University to attend my husbands Christmas get together in his department. Afterwards we went to the pub for another drink and something to eat with some of his colleagues. I enjoyed meeting them and they were all very nice to talk to. A big change from work related colleagues of my husbands in France. After 10 years, one of his colleagues still had muttered about only 6 words to me. Here, at Durham U. after 10 minutes, I was getting earfuls of banter, along with hugs, winks and invitations to travel!

My balloon floated away today, it did not pop, it just vanished due to it's height, unlike me, I will not vanish ( due to my height)  if I don't have a job just yet. I will enjoy what there is for the moment and satisfy myself with the knowledge that it's all perfect for me for today.